It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Randomize
