You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize