did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
