battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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