Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
