I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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