you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
