you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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