I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
