youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
this is jacob
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.