So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
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I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
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I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.