I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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