sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
