I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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