i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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