so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
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