So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
