Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
