Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
