you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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