oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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