I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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