What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
