you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
