i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
