he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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