im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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