NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
