dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
