Do you still have your period?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Bring me that man meat
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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