chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
