Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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