babies were throwing up all over the place
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
foreskin is a definite game changer
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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