Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
