Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
