I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
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Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm getting married
To pizza
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