I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
