its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
