I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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