walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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