it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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