Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
