I just cut my nipple shaving
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
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Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
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Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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