I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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