i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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