a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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