So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
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God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
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So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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