She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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