I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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