You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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