Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
