i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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