Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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