I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
