Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
