dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
