What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
