So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
