My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
