Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
