the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
