Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
be right there i have to get my cape
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
