Church boner. Awkwardddd
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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