she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
