Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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