what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
