Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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