his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
