my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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